Tuesday, October 27, 2015

7 Things You Need to Stop Saying

If you came to this blog for advice on saying the perfect thing at the perfect moment, my advice to you is "keep moving, pilgrim," We don't have a clue what you should say to make friends and influence people. We just know a few things you SHOULDN'T say. Here are seven of them:

1. "Irregardless"

This isn’t a word. Even if it was, can you stop and think for a minute about what it could possibly mean? “Regardless” means “without regard.” See, it’s like “regard” “less.” The other one, literally*, means “I don’t know words.”

2. "Literally"*

This almost never means what you think it means. Unless you think it means EXACTLY what you already said.  And if it does mean what you already said, then you already said it.

3. "I’m not racist but…"

If you ever have to start a sentence with this phrase, find a new sentence.

4. "Go Patriots!"

Please die.

5. "Go Yankees!"

Please Die Hard. With a vengeance.

6. "My wife/husband never…"

Don’t complain to your friends about your spouse. Don't talk to your co-workers about your marriage problems. You’d be pissed if you knew your spouse was doing the same to you. It won’t make things better. Only you and your spouse can make things better.

Also, your colleagues feel really uncomfortable when they hear about this stuff.

Also, your spouse sounds nicer than you. Stop making it sound like he/she might be available soon.

7. "I can’t even"

Then don’t. And “don’t” somewhere else.

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